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rodneyisgodney


rodneyisgodney

Rodney McKay - Man. Myth. Legend.


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Fic writing Experiments - #1
rodneyisgodney
Okay, decided to post some of my writing experiments, just bits and pieces written when an idea struck me... Let me know what you think, what needs improving or changing...any typos or mistakes I may have made. I feel this will help me to get out of my writing funk of late.

This one includes an OC named Kat...if you want to know more about her let me know.



Oh man, what hit me? Is my first thought. My second is Oh crap! I’m gonna barf! And do just that all over the nice clean floor beside my bed. Well, that was fun. I grab my stomach and groan as another wave of nausea washes over me. Oh no, not ... Before I can finish that thought I’m projectiling over the other side of my bed because I don’t need to see the leftovers. This time Carson is there, holding one of those kidney shaped bowls just below my mouth with one hand (no doubt to catch what’s left in my stomach) while his other hand is rubbing soothing circles on my back. Bless him. I can just make out his whispered words of comfort as I lay back down, a little shaken from reliving my last meal, whatever it was. I think I need a mint.

His Scottish brogue is as soothing as his back rubs and I let it wash over me, relax me while he checks for fever with a gentle hand and soft touch. His cool hand feels good on my overheated skin and I lean into it. I’m about to say as much when my stomach flip-flops. Here we go again! I sit bolt upright and like before lean over the side of my bed and heave. Not much this time, just some liquid and perhaps bile. My throat is burning a bit so, yeah, bile. I swallow a few times in an attempt to sooth the burn and grimace as I only succeed in making it worse. Crap. Carson must have noticed because he’s filling one of those plastic little cups with water. He drops a straw into the cup and brings it to my lips angling said straw just right. “Here ye go love.” I really do love that brogue. I smile gratefully and wrap my lips around the straw and sip greedily. Bless him. I know I’ve said it before but it bears repeating. The man is a saint. “Easy now. Nice and slow.” I ease up on the straw and I’m rewarded with one of his gentle smiles. “That’s a good lass.” I pause for breath and continue to sip ‘slowly’.

I hear footsteps and turn slightly, still sipping, to see who has come into the infirmary. It’s Rodney. One of my favorite people. No, really. I lift my hand in silent greeting when he suddenly stops about 5 feet from my bed having spotted the lovely mess I made earlier and blurts out “Oh, gross!” Now, I know that laughing and drinking don’t mix but when Rodney opens his mouth I just can’t help myself. He has a way of making me laugh no matter what he says. Which is why Carson’s face is now dripping wet and I am now coughing up one of my lungs. Before I can even blink Rodney is at my side thumping my back. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?” It’s hard to nod while I’m coughing so I give him a thumbs-up. “Have you no tact Rodney? Carson asks while drying his face with a small towel. “I’ll have you know that I am a very tactful person.” A snort from my direction has both men looking at me. “Well I am.” Rodney insists, crossing his arms over his chest huffily. I can see Carson out of the corner of my eye, he’s trying valiantly not to laugh. Rodney’s gaze shifts from me to Carson and then back to me again. “Oh, like you wouldn’t have said the same thing.” Carson rolls his eyes before calling an orderly over to clean up my mess. Luke, I think his name is. I can’t remember his last name though. He’s new.

I realize I haven’t apologized to Carson for his impromptu shower. I open my mouth to do so but my stomach has a better idea and I wind up dry heaving into a waste paper basket that Rodney had managed to grab at the last second. I can feel Rodney’s hand on my shoulder, but, whether it’s out of concern, sympathy or just to keep me from falling out of bed I haven’t a clue but I lean into it anyway. Once I’m done that same hand guides me as I lay back down and close my eyes. “Feel better?” I can only nod in response.

“S-sorry...Carson.” There I said it.


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*prods RIG*

Please can you split it up into paragraphs, my eyes water just looking at that chunky stanza :o

Yes, that's a bit better!

You hit one of my worst pet peeves with your snippet! Not naming the character. I know you say at the top it features an OC, but never mention in the snippet that it was the OC being sick etc. I thought it was Rodney until near the end...

soothe has an e on the end (sooth=soothsayer)

More paragraph breaks are needed - when the train of thought goes from one character to another.

There are a few missing commas. Think of commas as a pause in the flow, try reading it back out loud (although I'm guilty of missing them out a lot of the time too!) Like this:-

“S-sorry...Carson.” There, I said it.

As a rule of thumb I was taught at school, any number of ten or less should be written out, anything above ten is okay in numbers.

Would you like me to beta the whole thing? I could do it tonight and it would probably give you a better idea where to put the paragraphs/extra commas? :)

A bit better...okay, I can live with that.

Sorry about not naming the character...I include her name because I wrote this purely for myself and I already new her name... I could add it in if you like... If you wanna know more about her you can check her out on GW if you haven't already. Mind you she's been in my head for the longest time and is rarely seen on paper, or computer screen as the case may be. I don't care if anyone likes her or not because I like her and that's all that matters...it's good enough for me.

And about those pesky elusive commas...this was written a year ago...or longer and I didn't proof read it as such before posting it here. Silly me! It's just been sitting on a diskette. Yes, I'm using one of those dinosaurs - I don't have any of those newfangled CD thingies...can't afford them as I've only seen them sold in multi-packs. If I could buy just one...

Thank you for the soothing lesson.;-)

As for beta-ing "the whole thing"...I"m a fraid that's all there is - a snippet. It's all I wrote. Told you I'm bad at it.

Um, I don't get that whole numbers lesson. *blushes*

Hey I like Kat! She sounds interesting! Hope to see more of her!


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